Viewing Through Crimson Eyes
by TheLostScriber
Summary: The enigmatic Rei Ayanami. Does anyone know what goes through that mind? I doubt even she does. We will follow Rei instead of Shinji, to see how the story, and her own life, unfolds. Rei X Shinji, story will slightly differ. Nothing big. M for safety.
1. New Arrival, What Do I Feel?

Disclaimer: I do not own Neon Genesis Evangelion, nor the characters. The opinions and views expressed in this story is the writer's only.

Author's Notes: Hello everyone. As I feel that the figurative edge of writing must be constantly sharpened, I have decided to create a story. Please read and review, I could use the criticism.

Oh, and also, _text in italics is a tiny part of Rei's mind, one that continues to surface…_

_Oh, and enjoy, most of all._

I dislike this ceiling.

I understand it isn't sentient, so it does not deserve such a dislike from me. However, I can somewhat support this conclusion.

This is where I end up when I am injured.

I glanced around, at my hospital room. I vividly remembered the means to which I ended up in here. It was etched into my mind in great detail, as traumatic events usually do.

"Rei! No!"

I heard Commander Ikari, rare emotion in his voice as the EVA forcefully ejected me. Remembering my training, I depressed the thruster button, realising a millisecond too late that the drop would have been preferable to what the plug would now do. I twitched, crying out accidently as I crunched against the wall, multiple bones snapping audibly. Pain is such a horrid feeling. It is one of the things I cannot suppress in my mind. As the pain hazed my brain, the next two collisions compounded this alien feeling. As the plug whipped around wildly against the corner of the room, I flew around the tiny space, the fogginess of pain luckily blocking the terrible atmosphere. I heard the now sentient machine punching the wall, a few blows bearing the crystalline tinkling of glass. A fleeting panic crossed my mind before my subconscious emotion blocker froze it.

'_It is punching the window. Commander Ikari is in danger.'_ I felt the dreaded release of gravity as freefall came into effect. In the seconds that seemed to stretch into minutes, I attempted to pre-emptively prepare myself for the incoming pain.

I failed. As I was thrown around, my eye came into contact with a butterfly handle, and my vision exploded into stars as my mind exploded into agony. Instincts caused me to fly back into my seat, writhing in pain. I slowly tried to overcome it, the effort becoming quite difficult as the desire to weep rose up in me. I heard a sizzling sound, and a muffled cry. Someone was extricating me from the plug. The door flew open, and I was greeted with the sight of Commander Ikari. His face had fear and panic written all over it. He was concerned about my condition, that I may not be able to fulfil his scenario. I had to assure him that I would be okay.

In reality, I was not, but psychological stress could not help him. Besides, as none of the broken bones had exacerbated my injuries, I was sure that the wounds would not be permanent. I struggled onto an arm, as a shooting pain tore through me. My eyesight was fading, so I quickly nodded, before the troubled serenity that was unconsciousness overcame my mind.

My physical pain was nothing to what I had seen in the EVA.

Myself.

Looking at me with such hatred. At what I was.

'_Little puppet, on the strings,_

_Nestled in the other's wings._

_One will come, and they will give,_

_The lonely doll the will to live.'_

That had sprung into my mind, the one mind me and the EVA had shared. What did that mean? What was the other me I experienced? Why was I so… anxious to know the answers to these questions? They did not matter to Commander Ikari's wishes. Yet these queries drove themselves into my mind, even after I was ejected, and my mind became mine again.

The screen to the side of me flickered, and turned on. It was Commander Ikari.

"Rei." His face was the usual, as if set in stone. I knew as the screen came on what it meant. For some reason, a tiny part of me hated it_. _This part was instinctual, and it was suppressed easily.

"Yes."

"The backup has failed. You are needed."

"…Yes."

I attempted to move to stretch, and recoiled, the pain overcoming my body. It was illogical to allow someone of my condition to do anything but rest and recuperate. However, there was no other choice.

'_Could he not have persuaded the Third Child more?´ _The thought came out before I could stop it, and I reflected on the idiocy of my thought. Why was I being selfish? Was I not to simply pilot for Commander Ikari? Why would I talk back to him? Besides, the other pilot's sync ratio would have suffered more. How would that help?

More questions. I caught myself, and tried to suppress them. It took a small while. They were irrelevant. I felt the bed move, and I flinched, readying myself. For some reason, the phrase from before sprang to my mind, interrupting my silence.

As the bed moved across the floor to the docking stations, I thought of the alien phrase in my head. It was unfamiliar, but also not so. It was strangely cryptic, completely out of place from the other formal, structured thoughts that were in my head. I should have dismissed it as a side effect from mental contamination, but I found I could not. I felt that maybe-

I heard the doors open to the docking stations. Reminiscing time over. It was time for launch. If I were overly emotional, I would be afraid. I believe someone else would fear for their lives, launching an untested machine, as an untested pilot, towards an unknown enemy.

_I don't want to do this. I am afraid of the pain, and the regret of not ful-_

Luckily, I am not someone else. Emotions like that were not needed.

As I was carted across the umbilical bridge, someone came into my line of sight. A new face.

Not new. The Marduk Report had already supplied me images of Shinji Ikari, as well as information ab-

His face. It showed emotions. Anger, concern, incredulousness, and fear. It stopped any thoughts I had. Why did he show these things? Were they not obstacles?

"Wh…Who is that…" Pilot Ikari's voice sounded, facing me. His dark blue eyes stared straight into mine. C-

_Blue. Comfort. His gaze is comfortable._

"Rei Ayanami. She will be piloting in your place." Commander Ikari said. This, for some reason, sparked something inside Pilot Ikari.

"Y-you must be kidding me! You would let someone this injured pilot _that_!" He shouted at his father, anger bubbling to the surface.

"No. _You_ are letting her pilot it. In fact, you aren't giving her a choice." Commander Ikari replied. He is correct. Without the backup available, I must pilot it. Why was Pilot Ikari angry?

No matter. I must prepare myself. Tensing my muscles to sit up brought the expected stab of searing pain. The breath was temporarily knocked out of me as I bent my back. Attempting to block it out, I persevered, face screwed up I concentration.

Suddenly, a massive shudder shook the building. The bed was knocked out from under me, and I fell onto the ground.

The pain from before was incomparable to the pain I now experienced, and I screwed up my eyes, in a futile attempt to get away from the pain.

_Agh! Please, someone help me. Take the pain away. Make-_

Warmth. My back and my arms started tingling, and a warm feeling began coursing through me. What was happening? I opened my eyes.

Pilot Ikari was holding me up. His arms supported my back. His warmth dulled a small bit of the pain. Had I not been in the state I was in, I would have been intrigued. I looked at his face. The only emotions that were expressed now were his anger, and concern.

After a few seconds, I noticed that Pilot Ikari was looking at me too. I also noticed that the Eva's massive hand loomed over us, deflecting the falling debris.

_Why hadn't I noticed that before?_

Pilot Ikari then turned to his father. "You want me to kill that monster? Fine, I'll pilot your stupid thing. You'll just keep hurting people if I don't." He placed his other arm under my legs, lifting me up. I was reminded of my own lightness as he picked me up, righted my bed, and placed me back on it. As I was righted, fresh pain coursed through me. Pilot Ikari hesitated at the twitch I attempted to hide, and paused. What was he waiting for?

_Can y-_

He turned away, walking quickly towards Captain Katsuragi and Professor Akagi.

Leaving me

_cold?_


	2. I Am Nervous About Dreams

Disclaimer: I do not own Neon Genesis Evangelion, nor the characters. The opinions and views expressed in this story is the writer's only.

Author's Note: Heh, as I knew it would happen, Author's Block has kicked in. I apologise, and I am trying to work through it. I can only ask you to have faith.

Again, _text in italics is a tiny part of Rei's mind, one that continues to surface…_

Read, review, and enjoy.

The ceiling, once again.

However, unlike the other days I had spent here, this was under much different circumstances.

Our existence relied on an untrained, uninformed and unstable pilot.

You would think we were in serious trouble. I however, do not. For some reason, even though the probability of survival virtually nought, my mind had made its decision. Pilot Ikari would succeed.

It is very unlike me, and the possibility of mental contamination flickered in my brain. _Why_ did I believe this?

'Mental Contamination? Unlikely, once I think about it. Nothing of the sort has caused this unique reaction before.'

'Adrenaline? Quite possible. I have not experienced it before, so I am unsure of how it would affect my psyche.'

'_Ikari-kun himself assured me. The look in his eyes sa-_ Illogical. A look would not spread a particular feeling like this in my head. Why would it start now?'

'He is Commander Ikari's son. This is the most possible conclusion, as the Commander would have thought this out.'

But enough. I require rest. The body can regenerate faster through sleep. Weariness overcame me when the thought drove into my head.

I lay down on the bed, covering myself up to the neck with the hospital blanket. At the moment it did not supply the heat I wanted. I contented myself with the heat available, and slipped into slumber.

Where was I? As I looked around, I noticed that this was no place that I had ever been before. There was a pool of water right in front of me, and an unknown force drew me to it. I knelt down, staring into the clear water, gazing into my reflection.

However, it was very different to what I expected. A feathery wing sprouted from my right shoulder, and a hexagonal mesh, much like a wing, adorned my right. A crimson halo, red as my eyes yet seemingly darker than night itself, adorned my head.

Something told me that this was not merely my reflection. I speculate that it was the moment it reached through the water and grabbed my arm, pulling me under.

As I plunged into the water, the yellow tinge of LCL became apparent to me. However, it felt thicker, warmer, more… comforting. The former reflection swam in front of me, and an alien feeling coursed through me. Fear. I could not block anything here. Why was this so!

It moved towards me, and as it wrapped itself around me, my emotions were torn asunder with pleasure. Happiness, Elation, Relaxation, Lust, Excitement, Humour, and many other positive feelings whirled through my head like a liquid tornado, my vision blurring and narrowing into a tunnel. The reflections eyes were closed and concentrating with an intense annoyance on its face.

Why was it annoyed? It pulled back, and clarity surged into me with a snap. The sudden return of my other emotions was horrible, and the wall I set up to numb my emotions made my positive feelings absolutely disappear. It was certainly not pleasant.

The other me smiled, and shook its head. Whatever had been bothering it was obviously gone. This comforted me somewhat. However, I was confused as it slowly floated downwards.

No, that's not right. I was floating upwards.

It was leaving me. I did not want to leave! Let me come back! I dreaded the inevitable as the top of the LCL was rapidly approaching.

Someone was on top of it, arms outstretched.

_Blue eyes, i-_

I broke surface, and the comparatively freezing air knocked the essence of life right out of me.

I then proceeded to wake up with a start.

I looked around without turning my head, trying to gain my bearings.

As I had suspected. Just a dream. Thankfully.

The next thing that passed my mind was the recognition of someone else in the room. And their startled recognition of my awakening.

It was Pilot Ikari, frozen in place, staring into my eyes. Along with surprise, fear and concern was on his face. This puzzled me. Why would he be scared of me? I was not intimidating, and I have not hurt him before. And…

_Why is he concerned for me? He is nice for expressing that towards me._

"Why are you here?" I asked him. That seemed to snap him out of his stupor.

"I-I… Erm, I wanted to see if you were okay! You looked pretty… Pretty injured when you took the fall from the bed back there." He stammered, looking here and there, but not back at me. Again, was I so scary? Why did he not look me in the eye? I was curious about his feelings.

He must think he caused me injuries when he supported me back in the Holding Chamber. That is the only reason I could deduce.

"My body is not permanently injured, and my skills as a pilot are not affected." I answered simply, giving my diagnostic on my body. This would eliminate his concern.

Or not. His face still bore the creases of worry. This is illogical. I would be able to recover, there is nothing left to worry about.

_Not to Ikari-kun._

Why not to him? I attempted to dispel the doubtful thought in my head with the irrefutable fact I had presented.

"Doesn't it hurt?" He said.

"Pain isn't subjective to the case. My body will be able to move in roughly twenty day-"

"Twenty days! And you still won't be fully recovered? Won't you become bored?"

"Bored?" The particular feeling in question made me curious. I had never experienced it before.

"Will anyone be visiting you to break up the boredom?" He seemed awfully engrossed in a subject that doesn't concern him. Why was he doing it?

"I am constantly visited by nurses and doctors."

"Not that, I mean people you personally know." People I personally know? Confusion came back up again, along with a stab of sadness. The wall of numbness seemed not to rise, as the emotion felt natural in this case. I have no reason why…

"Commander Ikari is preoccupied with the running of NERV."

"Anyone else?"

"…" I could not answer. Luckily, a screen nearby flickered to life, saving me from the awkward position. Commander Ikari's face, steely as always, flashed onto the screen.

"Rei. I will be visiting you-" The Commander stopped, as he saw Shinji, in the corner of the screen. "To check on your condition. I do not want any other _visitors_ in the room during this." Obviously referring to his own son, I do not know, nor have the current condition to understand the atmosphere. The screen again went black, and I turned to Pilot Ikari.

"You heard Commander Ikari. You must leave." A small nagging part of me resented it, but I chalked it up to mental instability at the time.

"Yes. I surely wouldn't want to inconvenience the powerfully and all knowing Gendo." His voice dripped sarcasm, and the intensity of his words managed to set me a little off edge. Under my wall of nonemotion, I was angry at him, for not trusting his father, and judging by the experiences I had with the Commander, Pilot Ikari was being very vindictive. Yet, he did not look like he was lying. Or thinking he was lying.

"Why do you not call him your father?"

"He definitely does not deserve it." He turned to leave, leaving my anger increasing at the wrongness of his words, when he turned partially. "Rei, y-you will become bored if no one visits you. I… I will visit you, to check up on you." This cut through my feelings, leaving me feeling confused, and…

_Warm._

It was like last time, at the bridge.

Before I could voice any questions, he had left. I laid back onto my bed, trying to process my thoughts. This new person, Ikari-kun… Why was he so worried about me? Was he instructed to? If so, he was definitely excelling.

Another point was my feelings, incessantly coming up. I kept letting emotions through, somehow. Is my mental strength fading? I don't think it would be.

If not, then why? I looked down, at my hand. I rubbed my fingers together, and an incoherent memory of my dream flashed up, causing my breath to be taken away slightly. All of those feelings I felt during it… Was it a beginning of something?

I heard the muffled slide of wood against wood as Commander Ikari opened the door. I remained where I was, he would know that I was awake.

"Rei."

"Commander."

"How are you?"

"I will be ready to pilot before the calculated time of an angel attack."

"No, Rei." I stopped. That question should not have a correct answer, nor an incorrect one.

"Commander?"

"No, how are _you?_" An unknown feeling flickered behind his eyes.

"I… Do not understand." A sigh escaped from Commander Ikari's lips, and he composed himself.

"I noticed the Third Children was here earlier."

"Yes."

"And…?"

"And what?" A look of annoyance crossed Gendo's face.

"What did he want?"

"He came to check up on me."

"I see."

A silence passed between us, and a question nagged at me until I was forced to ask it.

"Was he instructed to check up on me?" Gendo looked at me, slightly confused.

"No, he was not."

"Why would he be concerned for me, then?" The Commander stood up briskly.

"I need to leave. Goodbye, Rei." And with that, he left, leaving me unanswered. That is acceptable, as he must have procedures to get completed.

_I need answers, and he doesn't help me? Does he not care?_

More illogical questions. I wanted to stop them. I relaxed in the hospital bed, not trusting myself to go to sleep, lest another dream manifest. I did not want that.

_I do want it._

I do, but… The new experience of dreams unnerved me.


	3. What Separates Me?

Disclaimer: I do not own Neon Genesis Evangelion, nor the characters. The opinions and views expressed in this story is the writer's only.

Author's Note: I apologise for the delay. Blame my computer dying, my internet being cut, but first and foremost, blame me. Sorry for being such a word-tease!

Again, _text in italics is a tiny part of Rei's mind, one that continues to surface…_

Read, review, and enjoy.

It was time for school. It seems quite strange to continue teaching here, at this time. However, human society finds solace in repetition. In continuing to go to school, the people here find comfort. Quite ironic, considering that in doing that, they are going into dangerous areas. Does that make humans strange? I do not feel strange.

Anyway, to attempt to give people information about what had happened, they would be teaching us about the Second Impact. Doing this would attempt to give us additional comfort, by knowing what we were up against. However, th-

Ikari-kun stepped through the door. He seemed calm, however, unrest gleamed in his eyes. I wonder what he was worried about? I saw his head begin to turn, and I quickly turned my own to look out the window. My own actions confused me. I was not scared of Ikari-kun, so why would I avoid him? Enough. I did not need to think about this. I instead left my train of thought and zoned out. There was talk all through the remaining students. Something about a missing student, and about handouts. The talk was stifled as the door opened again.

"Touji!"

"Suzuhara-kun!" Not to randomly guess, but I believe it to be Touji Suzuhara. Soon after, conversation started again. I decided to listen in on the conversation.

"…They can't leave work. If I didn't visit her she'd be all alone." He apparently had his sister buried under a pile of rubble. It was nothing to get worked up on, however, I suppose he was related to her, so he would be more affected.

"Anyway, the pilot of that robot really sucked!"

I felt my muscles tense up. That was an incorrect statement. He did not have any prior training, he did not have any knowing of the Eva beforehand, he did not even have a plug suit on. To say that his piloting 'sucks' is both uninformed and quite stupid to say.

"A robot on our side destroyed the city! What the hell was he doing?"

He was unable to operate the robot at the time. He is not at fault for that. To get angry at Ikari-kun for his own misfortunes is not what he should be doing.

…What am I thinking? This does not affect me, so why am I getting worked up?

I thankfully saved myself from my own question as the teacher entered. The lesson could now begin.

Most of the teacher's information about the Second Impact had been incorrect. However, Commander Ikari had told me about this. In order to avoid panic, the event had been covered up. Still, I found it quite difficult to fill out the questions without hinting at my knowledge to the truth.

A beeping distracted me. A quick glance confirmed it to be Ikari-kun's laptop, informing him of an incoming message. Had the teacher not been wrapped up in his thoughts, Ikari-kun would probably be in trouble. I looked back to the window, losing myself in the calm blue of the sky. I do not know when I picked up this fascination with blue, only that recently, looking into it has comforted me.

Perhaps it is because it corresponds with my dislike of red. Ironic, as I have red eyes. Red is the colour seen when in pain, or when you are angry. For me, it represents loss of control. I hate that. Then why is it that Ikari-kun, who has blue eyes, seems to hate following orders?

Sudden commotion, from where Ikari-kun sat. A group of people had formed around Ikari-kun. Why was that? As if to answer, my laptop began to beep. "THE TRANSFER STUDENT IS THE PILOT OF THAT BIG ROBOT" Now adorned my screen. Had he leaked information about NERV? I turned my head sharply in his direction. If he had, NERV and Commander Ikari's plans could be in trouble. I quickly brought up the chat that Pilot Ikari had been typing in. Aside from revealing that he was the pilot, nothing even hinted about NERV. Furthermore, nothing he was saying was very important. I found myself holding my breath. Had I temporarily forgot how to breathe?

… No, I still remember.

The bell sounded for lunch, and the group slowly but surely dissolved. I took out my lunch, and began to eat. It was a salad of some kind, the ingredients I used were unknown to me. One thing I knew, however, was that it had no meat.

Meat is to flesh of animals. I do not see any difference between animal flesh and human flesh, considering our history in becoming humans. And isn't it strange to consume something that is, essentially, the basis of our creation? With this, I abstain from meat. I need to eat more to stay nourished, but this is a small price to pay. This is one thing I can say about myself, that separates me from many people.

Sounds of a commotion outside. A fight?

"I'm sorry, transfer student, I had to hit you. I wouldn't be satisfied if I didn't." I looked away from the sky to the ground, where Suzuhara was standing over Ikari-kun. I quickly went to my phone, to notify the bodyguards around to subdue Suzuhara. A message beeped on my phone before I could complete it.

"Emergency Message from NERV: An object has been confirmed code blue." An Angel has appeared. I left my school things where they were and stood up. A twinge of pain stopped me in my tracks. I was still injured.

'_I don't want either of us to pilot the EVA. We've had such bad experiences.'_

"Idiot." I verbally chastised myself for the thought. Why would I be so selfish to not want to pilot? The future of the human race was on our shoulders and ours alone. We have no choice.

That was what Commander Ikari told me.

I began to run to the grounds to notify Ikari-kun.

The ride to the headquarters was silent. Acceptable, as conversation was not needed. I waited for the trip to be over, unmoving.

At least, mostly unmoving. My eyes roved around, taking in the atmosphere. For some reason, I could not keep fully still.

Was this what they called excitement? I definitely did not feel tired, nor did my injuries hurt as much. I noticed that Ikari-kun was unable to keep still as well.

'_He must be scared, to have to face death in the face again.'_ He must not be used to procedure. I noticed he was looking at me. For unknown reasons, that increased my unrest. What was the right social protocol in this situation? I looked him in the eyes in return.

The blue in his eyes…

'_This feels comforting… Almost like the sky.'_

Ikari-kun quickly looked away, fidgeting. Obviously, that did not work.

"Did I do it wrong?" His unease quickly changed to confusion at my question.

"Huh? Do what wrong?"

"Did I respond with the correct social protocol?"

"… Huh?"

"Is 'huh' a new slang of 'yes' that I missed?"

"N-no! I mean, you don't need to respond correctly when it comes to stuff like that."

"… I do not understand."

"Nevermind! I'm sorry." Ikari-kun says that a lot. Even when he does not need to. Why is that?

The deceleration of the car informed me that we had stopped. It seems that we both have things the other does not know. But they will have to wait.

The judgment of humanity awaits.


End file.
